“I don’t want to have this conversation, but I can’t avoid it… How do I do it?”
You spend a third of your life at work, building strong relationships with colleagues, managers, and subordinates. These relationships usually run smoothly but it reaches a point where some employees start to repeatedly push the boundaries, arriving late to start work, leaving early, taking excessive leave of absence, or generally failing to follow the school policies and procedures. One of the main barriers to effective management is many line managers simply don’t want to upset staff in their department, appear mean or unfair and overall damage the relationship with their staff. Avoiding engaging in difficult conversations and avoiding them where possible, can leave your school vulnerable to high employee turnover, lack or reduced morale and productivity and a failure in duty to provide staff with an opportunity to address and rectify their behaviour before the matter becomes more serious. Being in a position of management requires the individual to deal with these situations proactively, fairly, and transparently for the benefit of the school.
At FEPS we support managers daily with the facilitating of difficult conversations with all levels of staff across their school/academy/academy trust. It does not matter whether you are brand new to leadership and management or if you have years of extensive experience in leadership and management, reflecting on your skills is vital to being a well-rounded and effective manager/leader. Our HR Consultancy Team have put together a list of their tips and tricks for holding effective difficult conversations with staff.
- Always make sure there is a purpose/objective to your meeting. What goals do you intend to achieve by having this conversation? When you look at your team and the individual, is it an appropriate time and location to have this discussion or should you consider waiting until a later period in the day or when a meeting room is free, to have this discussion. Rushing into dealing with a matter or holding a difficult conversation whilst frustrated will always result in a negative outcome. Allow matters to calm, then address those with the employee in a composed manner.
- Collate the facts and have a written record of these to refer to during your conversation. Even if you don’t use these notes during your meeting, it will aid you in feeling more confident as you’ll be able to regain your train of thought or redirect the conversation if it has gone off on a tangent.
- Have a dress rehearsal. Go through your questions or points before the meeting. Consider whether you are being fair and consistent with all members of staff or if you may be allowing your conscious/unconscious bias to take over. If you decide to address punctuality with one employee who is frequently walking in the door a few minutes later, you must address it with everyone else who is conducting themselves in the same manner.
- Clear and to the point. Don’t beat around the bush. Explain clearly why you are having this conversation and make sure this is the first thing you say to the employee.
- This is no laughing matter. Be professional, courteous, and sincere during the meeting, don’t try and make a joke or laugh off the matter because you feel uncomfortable having the conversation, as this will undermine the process.
- Why are you having this conversation? Clearly stipulate the impact this issue is having on the school, colleague, and children and why it is important to address it now instead of later.
- Keep calm and carry on. Stay calm and actively listen to their account/response. You’re not there to bulldoze an opinion or instruction, this is a conversation. Giving the employee the chance to reply is not only fair but also helps you assess their attitude towards the issue.
- Acknowledge their view, opinion, and reaction. If the employee becomes distressed or irate during the discussion, do not rise to their level of upset, remain calm and attempt to defuse the situation. Offering an adjournment or reminding them of the requirement to remain professional, is vital.
- Finish with a summary, what are the next steps/actions required and put this in writing. Don’t be afraid to issue a ‘management instruction’ or ‘letter of guidance’ if necessary. These are not formal disciplinary sanctions; however, they may demonstrate a pattern of behaviour if attitudes/behaviours do not improve.
- Is a follow up needed? If so, document it and set a reminder to meet.
If you need help managing any difficult conversations, our team can help. We can provide training to help you manage difficult conversations and become more confident in dealing with difficult situations.
Why not book onto our training course, Managing Difficult Conversations on 9th February 2023.
We can also provide HR advice, mediation services and support at disciplinary hearings. Contact the team on 01924 827869 or speak to your HR Consultant.
